Being a Mom is one of the most rewarding “hats” that I wear. This said, how is it possible that the little beings I love so much can push me to the point of wanting to jump off a cliff. My oldest Tyler, told me today “I no like you Mommy, you no nice”. Now I know he is three, this is a stage, he doesn’t know how hurtful these little words are, he just didn’t want to take a nap… blah blah blah… but my goodness. he never speaks such words to his father, why?

I found my self sitting on the edge of my bed, my two boys sleeping like little angels at this point as I sit here in tears. I am trying to tell myself that I have to let these antics just roll of my shoulders but sometimes it is hard to do just that. I wonder, Am I a bad Mommy? Am I not nice? Am I missing out on something special by being a stay at home mom? Usually you hear Mom’s that work out of the home ask these types of questions or some version of them, but I see how the boys react each night when Daddy comes home and I wonder what it must feel like to receive a reaction of such excitements and love. Will I ever experience such a warm welcoming?

It’s hard to imagine not being home with my boys, not providing them with the care that we feel is important, not being with them through all their stages, new discoveries, skinned knees and belly aches but am I paying a price? Sure I am Mom but I am also the rule setter, boundary enforcer, noise control, potty trainer, diaper changer, the overall schedule setter. I am the one who makes these two little guys do and not do whatever whenever. They know this… does this change my role in their eyes? Daddy comes home and suddenly they are perfect, follow all the rules, eat their meals instead of throwing them all over the kitchen, draw on the paper instead of the walls… blah blah blah…

I can’t help but wonder if I am hurting my relationship with my boys by being at home with them? Then I have a flash of reality, I would not have it any other way. No matter how I feel, frustrated, annoyed, left out or ignored, what I am able to offer these boys by being home with them is something that no one else could ever give them. I am their mom, I have to remember when I feel like they have figured out how to push every button I have that at the end of the day no one could ever replace the bond between a Mom and her child.

Ending with this… Moms everywhere, at home or working, married or not, being a child’s Mommy is a “hat” that can not be worn lightly.