There was a time in my life that my sisters we my very best friends. Sure this time was decades ago now but how is it that relationships with siblings can change so much?
I am the youngest of three girls. Growing up the three of us were close. Sure there was the typical sibling rivalry but at the end of the day we were each others best friends. I had invisioned these relationships to grow and change but always be a constant in my life. I wish this had turned out to be true. I feel like I have to work at even staying in touch with them anymore. Is this because we are at different stages in our lives? Is this because my standards are set higher or maybe just our goals are different. Either way I miss my sisters.
My eldest sister and I are still close I guess- I mean we talk and seem to see each other on a consistent basis but I often find myself wondering if there is much of a relationship with me or if her want to be close is due to my boys. She is an amazing Aunt- my eldest son and her are very close… it is so sweet to watch him look up to her. But I sometimes feel that she just doesn’t understand my life, she probably doesn’t. She is in her early thirties and looking for the “one”, I am married and have children, my focuses are different. She has a life that most times I don’t understand either but I long for a way that we can genuinely share our lives and the paths that we are on with each other. I feel like I do not know her anymore and this saddens me.
My middle sister, Oh…. this just makes me cry. We were always fighting growing up but that was just the way we were. We grew up so close though, when she left home to go to college it was as if my life stopped. It was hard for me to be alone, not to feel lonely. When it came time for me to look at colleges I looked at several but I knew where I wanted to go. I had to be back with her, I had to share this part of my life with her, I had to find that feeling of security again. It was such an amazing time we had together at college. We partied together, we shared stories, built memories, and leaned on each other when needed. She was my rock, my constant, my solid. The spring of my Junior year I spent studying in London, she was in her last semester of her Master’s program. This was a time that I needed for me and I cherished it. It was something that I will never forget, but my regret is over-powering when I think of her. We have never been the same. She understood the importance of this trip since she had studied in Ireland during her undergrad years, but the relationship we shared was lost during the five months I was gone. What am I missing? I have tried to rebuild this with her but with no result. It has been six years since London and today we are nothing more then two strangers. I cry. I hope and try, even ask God for guidance in this but I am lost.
Am I the common denominator here? Did I change causing these relationships to fail or is there something more. Maybe I was naive to think that sisterhood would over power but I feel like I have lost something. I yearn for our childhood friendships, the feeling that nothing in life would ever tare us apart.
Maybe this is something that was instilled within us girls. Our mother has a brother who are not close, unless you count the once yearly call at Christmas being close. Our father has two brothers who try to pretend to be involved in each others lives but when push comes to shove judgmental attitudes overpower their brotherly love. I remember talking to my sisters when I was about 10 years old. I remember making a pact with them that we would always be close, we never wanted to be like our parents are with their siblings. What happened?
In my mind Family has always been something that I cherished but I am beginning to wonder…. does being genetically connected really measure up to sharing genuine unconditional love? Am I holding on to an idea that has long run its course?
