I feel like the officer on duty

I know that every child goes through phases and they fight for their independence and all but tantrums are so hard. My three year old has started throwing these screaming kicking fits just to get his way. I try to ignore the behavior but when I do it gets worse, he then starts screaming louder and kicks and hits things-he is going to hurt himself. I am doing the time out thing with him but I sometimes feel like maybe this is something that I did to make him act this way. I know in comparison to my husband I am a push over- i have in the past given in to his fit for what he wants. I have two little boys, I try to spend as much time “positive” time with each of them as I can but when Tyler acts this way it not only upsets his little brother and me but then I end up having two crying children. I know that consistent appropriate discipline is the answer but it makes for long hard days full of punishment and timeouts and I just want to be able to enjoy our time together.